Tuesday, July 2, 2013

And May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor

One in 1000.

That is roughly the odds I am guessing that it takes to find a good mate on one of those online dating site, at least according to my horse in the race. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I have deleted close to 1000 emails or "interest" messages from potential suitors over the last six months.

Only one made through all of my sticky, tangled up mess of red tape. One.

And even if you do manage to let your guard down and accidentally stumble across that so-called,"one," there is still no guarantee that it will work out, there could still be something missing and almost all the time there is.

"I want you,
I need you,
but there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you,
but don't feel sad, 
'cause two out of three ain't bad."

Sing it Meat Loaf, ya bastard ya.

Two out of three doesn't cut it with me.
I want it all.
I deserve it all.
I crave the fairy tale and all the romance that comes along with it.
I won't stop until I find it, but my knight in shining armor is not on Plenty of Fish. Ironically, I hate fish.

There are however plenty of misogynists, sociopaths, psychopaths, sexual predators, personality disorders, straight up assholes and a level of testosterone driven, self-admiration that I am not comfortable with at all. I wanna date you, not bring you tropical drinks and fan you with a palm frond, while you sit beside the pool and look at yourself in a mirror! Men, let's tone it down a little, you're disgusting. For reals, yo.

I'm more than just a pretty face, but no one would know that because they don't take the time to read what I have to say. Sure, pretty gets you in the door a lot of the time, but that isn't what keeps you around. Make a freaking effort and dig a little deeper guys, pretend to at least be interested in my interests. Don't get me wrong, on a purely superficial level, you made me feel like a golden goddess with all of your emails, winks, interests, favorites, and "want to meet yous," but every last one of them was an alliance that ended before it began. You built me up buttercups, just to let me down and mess me around.

Here's the thing, I'm someone who was born without a biological clock. I don't have that desperate need to get married or have kids. I'm ok on my own. I'm good on my own, really. I don't need to be in a relationship to feel complete and I'd sure as hell rather be alone and happy for all of the right reasons than to be with someone for all the wrong ones.

Hey PoF, it's not me, it's you. You're an over-crowded, seedy, meat market that I heedlessly entered thinking it might have some exclusive VIP section in the back where are the decent men hung out. I was wrong. At least you were free, I would have punched myself in the face if I had paid extra for the "upgrade."

As for the blog, after just two short weeks, I'm already in a holding pattern, I need a time out! Man bashing isn't bringing out the very best in me, it's not healthy and it's not nice. I'm destroying a piece of my own psyche with every below the belt hit I make. I mean, what suddenly makes me a freaking dating expert? I'm in the same situation as all of these other "losers" that I'm making fun of! We're all floating around in the same boat, it's only a matter of time before some yells out "Mutiny!" and throws me overboard.

This isn't really me, not really my thing. It's the person that I wish I had the balls to be, the person that doesn't give a shit about what others think or feel. And the karma, and golden rule and all those other things that suggest that you "do the right thing," those win every single time, hands down. I'm trading in my devil horns for that tarnished halo that I misplaced somewhere along the way.

That being said, don't you worry, I'm never going to stop being cool. Sure, I can take a moment and smooth out some of the rough edges a bit, but being cool and doing my thang, well, that's forever. It's in the blood.

Everyone is deserving of someone and all the happiness that comes with it. If you find someone out in the world whose quirkiness you can put up with and who is willing to tolerate your own level of kookiness, then grand. Grab hold with both hands and never let go! And, if you get a second chance, take it like you stole it!

Hi, I'm Kara, I'd like to introduce you to my new kinder love.

1 comment:

  1. Kara- this needs about 20 reads before each wonderfully written sentence can be thoroughly appreciated for its meaning, wit, charm and thoughtfulness. Maybe 50 reads. Thank you so much for sharing so much of yourself. You're a true and rare person, and I look forward to being along as you ride this crazy wave of life. Your perspective and candor are refreshing!!! xoxoxoxoxo