Saturday, June 22, 2013

Hit Me With Your Best Shot.

Here is an entertaining collection of some of the absurd emails that I received today. Remember men, you only get one chance to make a first impression

Subject: A note from M_r_right
"Hi, there? Do you believe in ghosts? I have some ghost stories to share if you are interested."
- WTF? No really, WTF! By far the most wacky first email from anyone. What would we end up doing on our first date, save Carol Anne from an old television set?
Subject: A note from Coffeelover16932
"Hello how are you doing?? i hope you are doing great, Well i am Tony and like your smile , i will like to know more about you if you not mind. i am looking forward to hear from you soon take care of yourself.."
- Again with the punctuality and grammar! Seriously men, unless you're looking for someone who is blind or in a coma, try to impress a girl by having a firm grasp of the English language and learn to write a proper sentence!
Subject: A note from LD

"Mam..have sent a couple of notes and apologize if I'm being a pest. If you might have interest, will be on the site for about an hour. Mam best regards. /r Frederick"
- You are a pest who can't take a hint. How many emails that I don't respond to will it take for you to figure that out? Go away please.
Subject: A note from Dude 2488
"need to let you know, I am a 24 year old guy that finds women older than myself to be very attractive. I am not able to message them however due to the age parameters on this site. So I was forced to create one with the wrong age. Do you find younger guys attractive at all?"
- Hey kid, this isn't and while you've made an old gal feel kinda special, there is no way in hell that I would ever even consider dating a 24 year old. I imagine our first date playing XBox 360 & beer bonging. Preesh though! 
Subject: A note from Maxwell
"Hello good morning and how are you doing today my name is James i was browsing through profiles when i come across your page wish set a side attraction to me i will really like to know you better and be your friend, do you mind if you write me back on my personal email cause am not yet a member here hope to hear from you soon." 
- Commas, use 'em!
Subject: A note from Sebastien
" are you? Nice profile and picture. I hope you are good.Chemistry sent me an email so i am giving it a trial and see if anything good will come out from it. I didnt realize they block email adds until someone sent me a mail here and i find out her email add is blocked.So if you are interested to know more about me, you can email me on xxxx followed by the Big at sign and then followed by the following letters...Y and A and H and O and O and it ends with a dot com.I only hope you will be smart enough to get what i mean.( Hint.... vbsebastien431 and join the capital letters and then end it with a dot com.) or you can text me on....Four Zero Four Three Zero Nine Zero Three Six Six"

- "I hope you will be smart enough to get what I mean." Already demeaning, asshole. I wish you were smart enough to know that there is a space between a period and the next word of a sentence, douche.
Subject: A note from redbird
Looking to meet some new people. New to the area from the midwest. Been in VA for a few months now. So far I like it alot, its definately different from what I am use to. Thought I would try this out as a means to meet some new people.'
- You have broken the cardinal rule "alot," oh and you spelled definitely wrong. Next...
Subject: A note from vabrownbear

"I read your profile and I have to say that I was very impressed and pleased to read it. You sound like a very wonderful person and I hope that you find that one who makes you feel complete, secure and happy."


- I threw this one in just because even though this person really had no interest in meeting me, he sent me a really nice note. There are some true gentlemen out there still, there is hope

Subject: A note from rugby RF

"Hmm didn't know Airlie was even a Zip code do you leave elaborate voice messages"
-Well apparently it does, you gave me the "hmm" as if I was trying to pull the wool over your eyes. And WHAT IN THE FUCK? Do I "leave elaborate voice messages?" Pervert McPervster. Gross.

Subject: A note from Jeffery

"Love the smile on your face.."

- Well, where the hell else would my smile be?

Subject: A note from simplydone1
Hi, Im cjarles
-When you can't do something as easy as spelling your name correctly Charles, then we have a problem that can't be overlooked. I can't look back, I can never look back!


  1. You have no idea how badly this makes me want to track down your profile and message you. I'd be like, "Uhhh... Hey, baby. Uhhhh... How's it going? I defanitely like the smile on your face alot. I'd leave you a long, sexy voice mail but my phone cord isn't that long. So, like, therefore that is why we should get together. You know, hook up. The horizontal waltz, if you're smart enough to know what I mean. So now that you're all hot and bothered, email my at".

    That would work, right?

  2. This made me remember that it has been a long time since I've watched Cjarles in Charge.