Friday, June 15, 2012

She Was an American Girl

*This is an actual form of correspondence sent to me in hopes to get a date.

"I am a little bit confused on how and what to do just to wipe out from my vivid mind your charming and beautiful face. The more time I look at your pictures and read your profile the more I like everything about you, the more I want to find out all about you - how you think, how you feel, what your dreams are and everything nice from you. I have liked your profile and believe it to be a good match!"

Creep factor: 10

This is a person who has already masturbated to my online photo. 

He is also the one that would fake an arm injury as I am walking through a parking lot, then lure me into helping him load a mini couch into the back of his van.

What happens next? "It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again!"

And then I'm forced to live naked in a hole praying that Jodie Foster comes and finds me, wondering all the while just what the hell was going on upstairs with the bad music and the nipping & tucking!

So not worth the free dinner!

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